Use the "Teach Me" Mantra To Be More Persuasive
Are you a good listener? -- even if they are boring
or disagree with you?
It is easier to listen to someone who is attractive or has an engaging
personality, but it is a lot harder if they do not meet your "most
favored" status. Why? Because it is easier to judge than to listen.
Here are some ideas from The Art of Winning Conversation, by Morey Stettner,
on how to improve your skills in this area so that you can become
more persuasive.
Take this test. Think of three unflattering adjectives
that you commonly use to describe people (examples are naive, opinionated,
arrogant, ignorant).
If you frequently find that you apply these labels while someone
talks, as an escape from listening, this is actually coloring
your impressions of them. Know your biases. Try not to deny the
legitimacy of a
speaker
and give yourself a reason not to listen.
True listening consists of the ability to extract a speaker's
main points and absorb the message without adding opinions or commentary. This way
ideas are exchanged and learning takes place. Persuasive speakers lay
the groundwork for their ultimate success by listening with patience,
clarity, and focus.
You listen most effectively when you thirst for knowledge. Keep saying
to yourself "Teach me, teach me, teach me" throughout the conversation.
When there are breaks, ask follow-up questions to clarify and develop
the ideas.
This attitude of positive expectation not only enhances your willingness
to listen, but it also makes you more persuasive. After
listening to learn what makes others tick, you are well equipped to stir
their self-interest and win them over.
Action Item: This is a skill and, as with any skill, requires
practice. For starters, in your next conversation, expect to gain at
least
one fact or
opinion.
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